Embodied Risk

Kelsey Chatlosh

Poem:

to be “at-risk”

to be a risk

to do things I haven’t done

                                            yet

                                            ever

 

to be too sad

to become angry

                        , too angry 

to cross the line of rationality 

to push that Borderline

 

MANIC

         depressive

 

existential 

     poetic 

          genius 

 

truly

     madly

         deeply 

 

to be a risk for caring

                                   too much

for wanting accountability 

for taking breaks from this world and acting free

                                                               yep, too free

 

to be full, spilling out and over

to be too much, too intense, scary

to need medications to harness in your mind

 

to be living through a panic that won’t end

weeks-long and ongoing

slow, in waves

                     both the floor 

                     and the mood swings

 

please don’t worry about me.* 

worry about this damn harmful world.

worry about your complicity.

 

[*Unless you know how to get me paid mental health sick leave as a CUNY adjunct and/or how I can keep my NYSHIP without a fellowship and while on leave from adjunct-teaching. Seriously. Email me :)]

 

[For information on the GC Counseling Center, please visit the website: https://www.gc.cuny.edu/Prospective-Current-Students/Student-Life/Health-Wellness/Student-Counseling-Services]

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